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SACH  Soundings
 No 9 March 2002

The Macmillan Day Care Unit, adjacent to Roxburghe House in Dundee, opened in April 2001. Between then and December, there were forty-three deaths. In one weekend in mid–November, three patients who had attended for several months, all died. These three had been true characters, and to lose them all at once left a terrible gap. As we approached the unit’s first Christmas, staff, patients and volunteers alike, found ourselves reflecting sadly on all the losses there had been.

I was approached by a member of staff who had heard me talking about a Christmas Remembrance Service. I had left it too late to organise one for bereaved friends and relatives associated with the whole hospice, but she asked if I would do something similar, not for relatives, but for those who attended and worked in the Day Care Unit. I discussed this with the rest of the staff, and also with volunteers and patients, and we decided to go ahead. We felt that we couldn’t go on to celebrate Christmas without doing something to mark the passing of our friends. Several patients expressed guilt at not being able to attend all the funerals, and said a Remembrance Service would be their way of paying respects and saying goodbye.

So, on an afternoon in mid-December, we opened the folding doors between The Retreat, as we call our small chapel, and the Day Care Lounge, and brought forward the beautiful elm Communion Table. I arranged a candle tree bearing six candles at either side of it, and in the middle at the front, I placed a silver tray covered with tealights and glass pebbles. People arrived dressed in their best, as a mark of respect; we dimmed the lights, and took our places.
It was very simple. First, I lit the candles on the candle trees, one for each month of the year. This meant that those present could remember all their personal losses, too, not just those related to the unit. We had prayers, Bible readings and a short sermon, but no singing; we had decided that it would be too emotional. And it was indeed very emotional. There were tears, as we thought how recently our friend had sat among us in that very room. We remembered the laughter we had shared, and the tears, too. One person said she could almost see them sitting there, in their accustomed places. There was also the emotion of knowing that those patients who worshipped with us that afternoon were terminally ill themselves. That fact had caused me sleepless nights when preparing the service.

At the end, those who wished came forward to light tealights while a recording of “Hark! The herald angels sing” played. The lighting of candles has come to be very important in the hospice. Some members of staff had their doubts about this a year ago when I was appointed, and were puzzled by my insistence on having candles available in The Retreat at all times, not just during a service. The fact is that lighting a candle symbolises so much: hopes, fears, the prayers that people can’t put into words. When all the candles had been lit, the table was a beautiful sight, and we felt that, in words and actions, we had created a fitting tribute.

I’ll never forget the atmosphere in that room. I’ve never felt it anywhere before. We were a family, totally united in purpose and in our search for meaning in the face of death. The lounge truly became a sacred space, holy ground. It would not have been the same in a church. This was the place where we had shared our joy and pain. This was the place where God’s presence was needed. And He was there. Our needs were met, and we could go on to celebrate Christmas joyfully - in that same communal space, which for one afternoon, had been transformed into sacred space.

For myself as the chaplain, it was a milestone. Staff had correctly assessed spiritual need, and had identified a means of resolution. Being the first chaplain solely dedicated to Roxburghe House and the Macmillan Day Care Unit, staff were not used to services of worship at all. Some questioned whether they were necessary. So, from the beginning of the year, when services were first mentioned and there were varying degrees of doubt and suspicion, we had journeyed as a team to this significant event. All those who attended are now in agreement that a Christmas Remembrance Service should be held annually in a local church, for bereaved families and anybody associated with the hospice. After all, Christmas is one of the main times when painful memories return to haunt, and also a season for finding comfort and hope in the message of Christ’s Incarnation. As for Day Care, if the need is there this year, we’ll hold another service just for our own “family”. But those patients who worshipped with us last year, may well be the ones being remembered.

Yvonne Hendrie