Scottish Association of Chaplains in Healthcare, News Sheet 8 December 2001

I've just completed a period of study leave during which I reviewed my practice in relation to support offered to those facing loss in pregnancy or neonatal death.
I had thought that perhaps I could spend the time working over the details of orders of service and the like. However, from day one it became clear that the scope for reflection was much wider as the patterns of my work within the maternity unit also relate to my experience of chaplaincy as whole. As part of the study I visited chaplaincy departments and maternity units in the Borders, Sheffield, Edinburgh and Inverness.
The following is what I have written by way of introduction to my project report:

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Contents of News Sheet 8

"It's not so much what we say but how we say it."

This view of our work as chaplains was shared with me during the course of my study leave visits and I agree with the sentiment it conveys. We find ourselves in a privileged position when called upon to attend to the needs of parents facing the loss of their baby. The approach to what we have to say rightly reflects a gentle and non-intrusive way of caring. However, we must also chose our words carefully - giving close attention to what we say, for in the midst of the hurt, details are important and will often be remembered - hopefully as lifelines that hold and not weights that burden.
The motivation for this time of study was my own desire to examine and perhaps re-create what I say to parents in their situations of loss. As chaplain at Forth Park Hospital, I deal with something in the region of 25-30 blessings or funeral requests a year. I have already said what a special privilege it is to be invited closer to the heartache of another and help them find a sense of meaning or dignity, some way of expressing the love they know but have had no time to articulate or share.
We all know the intimacy and the intensity of the experiences parents share with us. What I actually do (and say) is already miles away from anything found in service books. With each occasion being different. An open and creative approach allows for a flexible response to the particular needs before us.
The following words of a parish minister ring true for me:

No words really had any relevance or even use in that small ward
with that wee scrap of humanity....
Although I had nothing to say, I knew that this wee baby's bedside
was where I ought to be.
...nothing that has been felt in that room fits or can be explained by anything I have learnt or experienced theologically,
but somehow God was in there....
Although the presence of anything divine is almost impossible to see
in such tragedy, if we believe that God is everywhere, then that includes hospital wards where babies are sick and sometimes die...
Ewan Aitken,
Life & Work, August 2001

So, where do we begin to make sense of what we offer? To begin with God and express a theology, or to speak of a faith perspective in an attempt to bring understanding may be where we are as chaplains, but it is not where we find most parents. Our presence in their company is justified only when we are prepared to draw close to where they find themselves! What they know and all that really matters to them at this time, is that their baby - in all her fragile beauty and promise lies dead in their arms or is lost to them forever. Can we pick up their story - the "story in miniature" that is their little one, in a way that it may be told and shared as they would like it - between themselves as parents and amongst those who are their family, friends and neighbours? This telling of their story links what has happened (the past) to the present. Offering, perhaps, a setting which enables adjustment and a little step onwards with love. In providing such a setting we may then also help hold the questions that naturally arise: "Why?" "Why? God!" "Why God?"
Prompted by a comment from midwifery staff on a visit, the wider scope of the study looked to the nature of chaplaincy today - pastoral carers, spiritual care givers or ministers of presence?
The Chaplain? - "Oh we don't see him as the chaplain - more like an honorary midwife!" The chaplain at the receiving end of this veiled compliment may still be trying to work out exactly what was meant. The question of role and the place of chaplaincy was never very far away from my reading, visits and discussions. Individual chaplains could probably come up with variety of colourful descriptions of how they see themselves but increasingly here is a wider debate with which to engage. Namely, what is the fundamental nature of chaplaincy today? Who can “own” and deliver spiritual care? What model or pattern best holds chaplaincy within the NHS?
Others are looking to us. During the study I read "The Orchard Report" - a research study of Chaplaincy provision in the London area. Fundamental to Helen Orchard's report is the question to chaplains and to chaplaincy - "Are you adding value to the (health) service as a whole?" All of us say "aye!" we know it, but shouldn't we also be able to show it? I look forward to the discussions with Trusts which should follow the introduction of new guidelines on Chaplaincy and Spiritual Care for the NHS Scotland.